这样就没了。。

这样就没了。。
明明想说个明白，但却为了面子还是说不要。。

明明喜欢，却要装酷酷的样子。。
明明喜欢，却不敢追求。。
明明喜欢，却不顾一切的伤我和他的心。。

今天（14 NOV 2008)。。
他寄个讯息到我手机去。。
说他很抱歉昨天说了些蠢话。。
他也说他很想与我有个比朋友跟进一步的发展。。
也希望我能原谅他。。

我回复：“原谅了你又这么样？？结果会如何？？我不知道。。我只知道我的心很伤，伤透了。。”
他回复：“我不知道原谅了会有什么结果，我只知道我的心只有你。我和XXX只是口头上的情侣。”
我也回复：“我不知道，我不想要有任何有你的关系在我身边，我们就罢了吧。”
他的最后一句是：“噢，如果那是你要的，我也不会勉强你。对不起，再见。”

那就是我们的最后的对白。。
简单，伤心。。
我们这样就没了。。
真的没了。。

就是个小小的代替品

知道了，还装着不知道。。
明明能回避，但选择相信。。
明明能不回应，却选择了回答。。

他，是个普通男生。。
她，是那个普通男生的女友。。
而我，暗恋那个普通男生。。

我和他是在同一个学校，同一个科系，同一个课室的朋友。。
我和他相遇是在我们面对学校同学入选的面试。。
就是那天他“勾引”了我的瞩目。。
也没想到今天会和他是同学呢。。

日子慢慢得过，我们俩也暧昧了起来。。
日子慢慢得过，我们俩感情也深了不少。。
日子慢慢得过，我们俩打算面对我们彼此的感情了。。

直到要面对时，他告诉我一个天大雷劈的事情。。
就是他有女朋友了。。
但却说没了感情。。
我该相信吗？？

直到今晚（13 NOV 2008)。。
我很坦白地问他：“我是不是你女朋友的代替品。”
他也很坦白的告诉我：“是。”

那时候的我的心情是盲目的。。
是一片空白。。
就想死尸一样，没感觉了。。

代替品，能吗？？
代替品，行吗?？
代替品，想得通吗？？

Satisfied Day

Today 10 November 2008
Today we got our Falsafah Seni performance exam at Black Box,Aswara.
Our group named Water De Vgoe..
Our philosophy for today's performance was about the need in water...

Our performance started with a dark atmosphere..
Then a yellow light lighted on the center stage...
Slowly comes the music....
1 by 1 dancers (including me) came out doing movements symbolize torture without water (imagine yourself).
I was coupled with a guy dancer named Fitri...
We started with a slow walk to the center stage,I was on his shoulder...
Slowly we all came to the center and start our choreography...
At the end of the choreograph,I stood on Fitri's knee as an ending of all of us reaching for the Rain God for more water...

Finishing our performance,Pn.Ani,our falsafah seni lecturer said our piece was excellent and fantastic...
We were all shocked and happy...
And she said this piece can go for JAMU...OMG..
We were so happy cause we know our effort was never wasted...
We sweat our buds out for practice...
We stay out late for practice...
And it was all worth it...

Our teammates (water De vgoe)
Fitri-leader
Suhaib-choreographer
Christine,Michelle,Suhaib,Fitri,Taufek,Mizan and Nirmala-dancer
Taufek and Fadhila-Music

Thanks guys...
Without you guys we will never have a great show...

找你笨（广东话）

找你笨。。
我还真的是笨叻。。
每次做错决定。。
有时真的会对自己发脾气。。
因为本尊笨。。。

不了解，为什么我就不能再聪明一点点吗？？
不了解，为什么就不能用点脑筋呢？
答案就是有一个，那就是本尊笨。。

Crush or crushed

Crushes....love....life....
I have a crush on somebody
But that somebody got a red string tied on to a girl (meaning have g/f)
I cannot believe myself...
I like somebody that got a g/f

He treats me nice..
He treats me gentle...
He treats me well...
But end up with a tragic story about him having somebody else...

Crush or crushed...??
I don't know...
I think he treats me like his scandal....

Scandal....
How can I accept being his scandal...??
Is a no way...
But sometimes being his scandal is better than nothing...
Being his scandal can get me close to him...
But.....is that what I want...??
Do I deserve all these...??
I really don't know...

Every time, I purposely talk about his g/f
He's like "...ya...so...","...ya,I miss her"
Those words kills me...
Jealousy...selfish....
I don't know

To like him or not to like him....
That's the question I'm asking myself...

3 surprises 4 him..

I gave him 3 surprises...^^
....haha....you will never know how stupid it was...
2 surprises were given on the same day (27 Oct 2008)
The 1st surprise I gave him was yo let him see my foot got hurt...
haha...when he saw my foot was bandage..he was shocked..and he scolded me and said that was not a surprise,it was bad news for him..haha..should I be happy about that...??
The 2nd surprise was my birthday present to him...
I bought him 3 t-shirts...
Why bought t-shirts..??
Because he kept complaining he don't have any proper shirts...
and still he said he got a lot of commercial T's...My God..so i bought 3 instead of 1...and is not commercials T's...
The 3rd surprise i gave him was today (1 Nov 2008)
It was the last night of our dance faculty..
And he said he really wish that I could go to see him perform tonight...
But then I lied to him and said I was busy...(Actually it's a lie)..haha
Then he said he's upset and wish i could go...T-T
I went silently to the performance for preventing him to know i'm coming...
When the time he's performing,he saw me sitting there and shocked for a few seconds...
haha...that's the moment I laughed because his expression was cute...
And i surprise him once again....haha..how good am i in surprising people...??
When he finish performed,he came and greets me and said that he was surprised....

I will never forget the way he react to my surprises....
haha....^^
My surprise will never fade...
it will keep on going...haha...