Satisfied Day

Today 10 November 2008
Today we got our Falsafah Seni performance exam at Black Box,Aswara.
Our group named Water De Vgoe..
Our philosophy for today's performance was about the need in water...

Our performance started with a dark atmosphere..
Then a yellow light lighted on the center stage...
Slowly comes the music....
1 by 1 dancers (including me) came out doing movements symbolize torture without water (imagine yourself).
I was coupled with a guy dancer named Fitri...
We started with a slow walk to the center stage,I was on his shoulder...
Slowly we all came to the center and start our choreography...
At the end of the choreograph,I stood on Fitri's knee as an ending of all of us reaching for the Rain God for more water...

Finishing our performance,Pn.Ani,our falsafah seni lecturer said our piece was excellent and fantastic...
We were all shocked and happy...
And she said this piece can go for JAMU...OMG..
We were so happy cause we know our effort was never wasted...
We sweat our buds out for practice...
We stay out late for practice...
And it was all worth it...

Our teammates (water De vgoe)
Fitri-leader
Suhaib-choreographer
Christine,Michelle,Suhaib,Fitri,Taufek,Mizan and Nirmala-dancer
Taufek and Fadhila-Music

Thanks guys...
Without you guys we will never have a great show...

找你笨（广东话）

找你笨。。
我还真的是笨叻。。
每次做错决定。。
有时真的会对自己发脾气。。
因为本尊笨。。。

不了解，为什么我就不能再聪明一点点吗？？
不了解，为什么就不能用点脑筋呢？
答案就是有一个，那就是本尊笨。。

Crush or crushed

Crushes....love....life....
I have a crush on somebody
But that somebody got a red string tied on to a girl (meaning have g/f)
I cannot believe myself...
I like somebody that got a g/f

He treats me nice..
He treats me gentle...
He treats me well...
But end up with a tragic story about him having somebody else...

Crush or crushed...??
I don't know...
I think he treats me like his scandal....

Scandal....
How can I accept being his scandal...??
Is a no way...
But sometimes being his scandal is better than nothing...
Being his scandal can get me close to him...
But.....is that what I want...??
Do I deserve all these...??
I really don't know...

Every time, I purposely talk about his g/f
He's like "...ya...so...","...ya,I miss her"
Those words kills me...
Jealousy...selfish....
I don't know

To like him or not to like him....
That's the question I'm asking myself...

3 surprises 4 him..

I gave him 3 surprises...^^
....haha....you will never know how stupid it was...
2 surprises were given on the same day (27 Oct 2008)
The 1st surprise I gave him was yo let him see my foot got hurt...
haha...when he saw my foot was bandage..he was shocked..and he scolded me and said that was not a surprise,it was bad news for him..haha..should I be happy about that...??
The 2nd surprise was my birthday present to him...
I bought him 3 t-shirts...
Why bought t-shirts..??
Because he kept complaining he don't have any proper shirts...
and still he said he got a lot of commercial T's...My God..so i bought 3 instead of 1...and is not commercials T's...
The 3rd surprise i gave him was today (1 Nov 2008)
It was the last night of our dance faculty..
And he said he really wish that I could go to see him perform tonight...
But then I lied to him and said I was busy...(Actually it's a lie)..haha
Then he said he's upset and wish i could go...T-T
I went silently to the performance for preventing him to know i'm coming...
When the time he's performing,he saw me sitting there and shocked for a few seconds...
haha...that's the moment I laughed because his expression was cute...
And i surprise him once again....haha..how good am i in surprising people...??
When he finish performed,he came and greets me and said that he was surprised....

I will never forget the way he react to my surprises....
haha....^^
My surprise will never fade...
it will keep on going...haha...

放弃吧。。

还是放弃吧。。
不想想太多。。
就只好在他背后默默的支持他。。
在他所做的决定下支持他。。

一定很奇怪，明明昨天忧郁着他的问题。。
但我却在短短时间内说要放弃了。。
发生什么事呢？？

就是今天（30 Oct 2008)
事情发生了。。
他对我身边的朋友说他对我只是纯粹的喜欢而不是爱。
喜欢，不是爱。。
我该说什么。。
就只好放弃啦。。
你会说我不坚持，说我放弃得太快，问我为何不尝试告白。。

因为我害怕。。
我害怕我会掉下山崖。。。
我害怕我会遭遇同个问题。。
我害怕被拒绝。。

对不起，我真的不想回想以前我对XXX事情。。
真得很对不起。。

Lost

I'm lost...
I'm lost my way to my future...

I had a nice chat with 1 of my dance instructors today (29 Oct 2008)..
And he told me about what is "dance" and all kinds of other bullshit..
Until the end of our conversation,I became lousy...
I got no idea where I'm heading my way to...
My road was straight before he talk to me..
But after our conversation,my road became more bumpy..

I don't know what to do now...
I'm lost..
Am I not choosing my correct path nicely..??
Was I wrong..??
Should I change...??

What should I do...??
What action should I take...??
What conclusion should I make...??

Should I listen to him..?
Should I trust him...??
Should I believe him...??

Can I believe in what i believe...??
Can i not forget what i learn before...??
Can somebody slap my face and wake me up...??
Can I just have a time to relax to think..??

I don't know...
I DON'T KNOW...!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lost